Expectations

I think sometimes the biggest source of our sadness is disappointment from setting our expectations too high. From expecting to be cured, to expecting to have a great night, we have a tendency to expect too much from ourselves and the people around us and are not prepared to be let down. But fact is there are SO many things in this world that are completely out of our control, and we should realize this before expecting anything. Or more importantly before we let ourselves become upset when things don't go as planned. Because that is a guarantee in life, things will not always go as planned, that extra hard chemo/radiation session you did might not work, your friends might have to bail on your birthday, or your camping trip might get rained out. These things happen, they are often out of anyone’s control, and they should always be expected. Not as a first expectation, because it would be rather depressing to always expect the worst. But they should always be in the back of your head, Hope for the Best, but Be Prepared for the Worst in all aspects of life. 

It's never fun when your friends or family fail to live up to your expectations, but ask yourself, is it possible that you are expecting too much? Take for instance a friend of mine from high school, just after being diagnosed with cancer she found me on Facebook, added me as a friend, and sent me a message asking me if I remembered her and how I was doing. I told her "Of course I remember you, and I'm doing well, but not perfect. I actually just found out I have brain cancer, it's not a big deal but it's a LOT. I'm not sure how to react yet. lol" In the 4 years since I haven't received a response and after receiving the message I'm rather sure she deleted and blocked me. Either that or she just gave up on and deleted Facebook, but I think the first is more likely. When she didn't respond, it hurt, more than I could have ever expected. How could the fact that I have cancer warrant such behavior? So I gave it some thought. I put myself in her shoes and tried to think of a reason, a reasonable reason, for such a harsh reaction. 

This is what I came up with, for one; we hadn't spoken in over 5 years, so this wasn't a great loss if I didn't take it personal. Two; I had NO idea what she could be going through at the time, what if she had just lost her father or mother too cancer? What if she just didn't want to take the chance of going through such grief again? What if she just decided she wasn't strong enough or didn't know how to reply to that kind of news? So she didn't, she ran knowing it was no big loss to me and who knows maybe it was a bigger loss to her. I thought for a long time about it and decided the best thing for the both of us was to give her the benefit of the doubt. In High School she had always been a GREAT girl, good grades, good friends, MUCH better than the criminal I was at the time. So why would I assume she was any less amazing now and why should I expect anything from someone I hadn't seen or spoken too in so long. So I let it rest at that and I realized something amazing, it didn't hurt anymore, because I had given it a reason, it wasn't my fault and I had no reason to blame her. An unnecessary weight had been lifted and I felt and still feel much better about it. Some of my friends, God bless them, can't handle that story. "There's no excuse for it, what a horrible person." But to this I always respond, I am not hurt, it's okay, whatever the excuse, even if there isn't one, what does it matter. This way neither of us are hurt, there was no substantial damage done, and I learned a hard lesson.

We have too many expectations, and make too many assumptions about the people in our lives and doing this results in a LOT of unnecessary pain and stress. Next time a friend bails on you, stands you up or doesn't answer your call or text. Give them the benefit of the doubt, wait it out, and put yourself in their shoes. Try to come up with a reason that you would have made that choice. You might find that there are many reasons for an action, and then later you might find out that the action was justified. Because if you automatically assume the worst of someone, that person probably wasn't really your friend and quite frankly your night, possibly your life would be much better without them. If they are truly your friend then you should have no problems making excuses for their minor occasional flaws. If you do find that difficult you should probably just write them off, it sounds harsh but if they really care, they will fight to stay in your life. If they don't then you have just freed up more time to spend with your awesome friends, or make new friends which could prove to be a much more fulfilling task than whatever was originally planned. 

So lower your expectations, or maybe even get rid of them completely and prepare yourself for a fight. Because the best things in life are unexpected and usually earned. You'll make more friends, because the people you meet won't feel so pressured, and you'll be constantly surprised when your friends do amazing things for you. Which they will, because they're friends, but also remember, they don't have to, because they're only friends. They have their own lives and their own struggles, and sometimes it's not easy to be amazing. Even Superman had Kryptonite, none of us are perfect, though we may try so hard to be. Forgive those you care about, be understanding that sometimes things go wrong, and that not everyone deserves a place in your life. Expect nothing, LOVE EVERYONE, and enjoy the ride. Because you never know how short, or long, it might be.