So This is Christmas :D

Today is a day that for me is really bittersweet. I love it because I get to spend it with probably the coolest most amazing family I know. But I don't get to spend it with my real family. I haven't spent it with them in almost a decade, and sometimes it makes me wonder if they're really my family anymore. This year’s been very 50/50 for me, which is kind of funny because I came out of remission and well that's the name of the movie. But a lot has happened, cancer came back, another surgery, so far I'm 6 months into Chemo and only half way finished. I met an amazing girl and spent some of the biggest moments of my life with her, but things didn’t work out. I had to quit working because this time around the chemo is too much, and that's VERY hard to swallow. I haven't been able to continue my studies and Holt's Home has been put on hold, my life kind of came crashing down this year. It started I was in my own place, living well, about to get back into school, 1 more semester and I had my degree. Then the tumor regrew, I'm back living with my Mom, collecting disability and at times bed ridden, I was where I promised myself I would never end up. Living the nightmare that is cancer all over again.

Looking at the "BIG" events, last year sucked, and it kind of did. But if you look at the MOMENTS, it was amazing. I've met some AMAZING people, like Cara and Billy who run a foundation called HOPE For Young Adults With Cancer, and they never stop providing that HOPE. They're not even survivors, just a group of people who've been affected by the tragedy and yet they've given me something I've searched for, for years. A group of survivors, my age, that get together every couple months and LAUGH IN THE FACE OF CANCER, while we exchange war stories of chemo, radiation, surgeries, and experimental therapy. It's amazing, and on top of that they introduced me too Ashley Swip who runs a foundation called 3 Little Birds 4 Life, and they grant wishes for young adults like me. Ashley said I reminded her of her AMAZING brother who she lost to cancer, an honor I can’t begin to express, and granted my wish by giving me the most AMAZING day of my life and letting me share it with friends. They got the help of another foundation, I am Genie, and together they gave me a day I'll never forget. I flew a plane, I went to a Blues Play-off game, I stayed in an AMAZING hotel for the night, ate at an AMAZING restaurant, and got tickets to a Cardinals Game. On Top of all that I got to do it with two of the MOST amazing people I know, Chris and Michelle. They flew them in from Florida just so I could show them how much I appreciated EVERYTHING they did for me at the time of my diagnoses. It was a DREAM COME TRUE. I've met A LOT of amazing people this year, made amazing new friends, and had a pretty good time doing it.

Yes my year has sucked, constantly, severely, but I still stay positive. Because for one, I know people who have it worse, like a mom who's spending Christmas Eve sleeping in her car with her kids, like other homeless people who are fighting their own battles. People in prison, waiting to get out so they can show the world they've changed, but for now they don't get a holiday, just a nicer plate of food. Mother and fathers who are spending Christmas in the hospital with their sons or daughters, daughters and sons spending their first Christmas without their mother or father. There are soldiers away risking their life, while their families open presents, wishing they were there. There are people who feel unloved and uncared for spending Christmas alone and bitter. There are a million scenarios that play out worse than mine. I remember that and I'm thankful, I have a family, I'm not alone. I'm indoors and I'm warm. I'm sick but I'm not dying, I'm home and not in the hospital. I don't have a lot, but I have a little and right now that's all I need.

We all fight battles, every day, every choice is a battle. But we need to remember it could be worse, it could always be worse. We're alive, and that means we have a chance, we need to find the brilliant and beautiful things in our lives and embrace them for what they are. We need to embrace the future and the things it might bring, yes some will be bad like cancer, family moving away, and changes you didn't plan. But you'll also meet new friends, maybe new family, witness new things, beauty not yet seen by our eyes. You can make something of your life, one moment at a time. We just have to stay positive and remember that as cliché as it may sound, it's true. It could be worse, it could be raining. So if you have trouble seeking out the positive in your life, look at the negative in other people’s lives. Don't pity them but remember, at least that's not you, everyone is fighting a battle. A wise man one said "You can't treat every situation as life or death. . .or you'll die a lot of times"-Van Wilder. So take a look at your life and remember chances are about 6 billion to 1 that someone out there has it worse than you and those are pretty good chances. 

So this is Christmas, and things are far from perfect today. Maybe family is fighting, you're spending the day alone, or you couldn't get that one good gift. There are a million things that could be wrong, but there's one thing that's right. You're ALIVE and that's a pretty good way to start the day, just work your hardest to make the rest of the day that way. Just put on that smile, ignore the drama and the negativity, give Scrooge a BIG HUG, stand in AWE of your life, and all the amazing possibilities. Enjoy the food, the company, and ALL the presents. Cause today is beautiful, if you make it that way. LOVE EVERYONE, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!