Life is Good

So just now I was asked a rather simple and common question, one that I have been asked MANY times. Especially in the past five years since being diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer. It's the most asked question ANYONE with a severe illness, such as cancer or aids, will hear most likely. It can be worded differently but it's always the same question. "How are you feeling/doing?" "How's life?" "Feeling well today?" In essence these are all the same question, and a question that at times I am VERY tired of hearing. Because when you don’t have cancer or anything the like, people don’t ask “How are you doing?” very often, they just say things like “hey what’s up?” or “what’s going on?”

But I’m not tired of being asked because I don't appreciate people caring about me. It’s not that at all. If not for people caring about me this battle would be almost meaningless. But instead it is because of a few different reasons. Number one, I am tired of being reminded of something I already know. I have cancer, and every time I'm asked this question, especially "How are you doing?" or feeling, I am reminded of the constant battle I'm doing my best to ignore. It makes it hard to enjoy life when people are always worrying about you. This is the reason I do my best to keep positive, to stop people from worrying about me. I know I am sick, and I have plenty of reminders of this.

My main reminder is that my entire day is spent on Facebook reading my friends posts about their lives, and offering my advice and opinions on their situation. Hoping to aid my friends in some way or at least inspire them to stay positive. That’s why people post things, so friends will read them and comment on them right? I care very much about my friends’ lives, all of them, and if my past experience can save someone else from any pain, then that make it even more worth it. Also so in case I am able to get out of the house and socialize I know what’s been going on. It helps to avoid awkward moments in conversations like “Oh you guys got divorced. . .”  Right now this is the most convenient way to keep up on my friends’ lives and show them that they are my friend and that I still care about their lives. It also cues me into what’s going on in the world aside from the big stories that make the nightly news and it’s the easiest form of available entertainment. Facebook and its population of, often times, real people are usually much more entertaining than reruns of SVU, NCIS, M*A*S*H, or reality TV. I enjoy reading the inspiring quotes, stories, viral videos, memes, and pictures people share as well. It gives me an idea of places I want to go, people I want to meet. And who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh from a cat video or an odd looking dog?

But reason two is, despite all that was said above, I always have the same answer for the most part and that will likely never change. Life is good, life is ALWAYS good. Yes it has its ups and downs but there are many people in the world less lucky than me, so life is GOOD. Not to imply that my life is simply better than others with cancer who are fighting a tougher battle. But everywhere, there are people who despise their current lives. There are people chasing an impossible perfection, spending all week working in an attempt to Live For Today over the weekend by spending money, getting drunk, meeting people, dancing and having an amazing time. Just to be thrown back into the real world again on Monday. Spending most of their lives in a world they hate for a momentary trip to a world they enjoy. 40 hours a week spent unhappy so they can have 16 hours of fun on the weekend. From the poor to millionaires EVERYONE is fighting a battle, and some are sadly loosing. Whether they’re fighting to pay the bills, depression, or cancer a loss is a loss and a win is a win. Right now I feel like I am winning, but I know elsewhere someone who has 8 cars and a mansion is losing their battle and needs to be asked "How do you feel" MUCH MORE than I do. In many ways this thought depresses me, but in more ways it inspires me.

This is proof to me that if I continue to think positive things will stay positive. That I don't need money to be happy all I need is to appreciate the things I do have. So while often the question has depressed me, tonight it inspired me. Tonight I realized my life is ALWAYS good. The key word being LIFE, meaning I'm alive, and it can get better. Life is compared to many things. From mountains, a river, a roller-coaster, a highway, and a box of chocolate, none of these things are always good or easy. Even the box of chocolate will have flavors you don't like and as much as you may love roller coasters, there is a reason people scream on them. Life is not always fun, easy, or pleasing. That’s why it’s never compared to a field, Hershey bar, a back road, or a creek. Life is bigger than that and there will be many times when life gets HARD. It’ll get bumpy, you’ll get stuck sometimes, you’ll find things you don’t like, and there are some crazy people out there in a hurry to cut you off just so they can slow you down. But remember, you haven't really hit rock bottom until you're six feet under. Meaning you can climb out of any hole you've dug yourself or fallen into.

Tonight I realized my answer from here on out to the dreaded question of how I am feeling, will be GOOD. Simply because no matter the situation I'm in, if I know I’m in it, that means I'm ALIVE and that means I still have the chance to improve things. Also the deeper I'm in; just means there's more room for improvement. It means I'll appreciate every snow flake, raindrop, smile, laugh and ray of sunshine even more. I have cancer, and that really sucks, believe me. I'm tired, I get sick, I deal with side effects, and restrictions. But none of that means I'm not alive and not going to give it my best EVERY day. I'm going to smile, laugh, dance, cry at beautiful things and enjoy every moment I can. LOVE EVERYONE!!! ++SMILE++

So in case you feel like asking, I'm SO MUCH MORE than fine or okay, I'm alive and that means I'm GREAT!!!